May 12, 1997: Chris Carpenter makes his Major League debut for the Toronto Blue Jays. Carpenter would sign with the St. Louis Cardinals in December of 2003. Chris has gone 94-44 in nine regular seasons with the Cardinals and has a record of 10-4 in the postseason.
Carpenter won the 2005 NL Cy Yong award and was a finalist for the award in 2006 and 2009. He is a three-time All-Star and two-time World Series Champion
Many times, NHL players break their sticks in frustration after losing but sometimes they become lightsabers and just refuse to break and everything goes wrong in the world for that player.
This is one of those moments.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say Jaden Schwartz wasn’t happy with the result of last night’s game.
Tim Lambesis of Christian metal band As I Lay Dying was arrested Tuesday night in a murder-for-hire plot. Apparently, he did the nice Christian thing and tried to hire a hitman to MURDER his wife, who was filing for divorce. More like As I Lazily Lay on the Couch While Someone Else Does My…
OH, NO. What horrible, tragic event happened in Delaware today?!
A school shooting?!
A bombing?!
…two consenting adults being able to fall in love and get married?
Judging by the haters, looks like Delaware has become the 11th state to approve same-sex marriage! WOOO!
…
Happy Cinco de Mayo! It’s the one day a year where most Americans, who usually complain about Mexicans and tell all the “illegals” to go home, pretend they are not racist! Why? So they could “celebrate” by getting drunk, of course!
However, here are a few party-poopers who can’t even NOT be…
We’ve got some corrections over here at Fox & Friends:
Kentucky Derby losers are not turned into Ikea meatballs.
Dzhokhar Tsarnaev did not accidentally blow up vowels in his own name.
The chupacabra does not deliver presents on Cinco de Mayo.
President Obama does not want to take away T-shirt guns.
Most women have only two breasts.
The Memphis Grizzlies are not a gay blues band.
Scientology was not founded by I Ron Man.
Bangladesh is not an 80s metal band.
Peeking at ladies’ butts is not a background check.
Actual crows do have feet.
Pot pie is legal in every state.
The California wildfires are not a soccer team.
Jason Collins was not turned gay by a Washington Wizard.
The NRA is not a branch of government.
Foreign visas do not let Russian students go on shopping sprees.
Rick Moranis was never put on death row for shrinking his children.
New York exists outside the mind of Billy Joel.
A French press is not lifting weights with your tongue out.
Lena Dunham is not a girl ventriloquist.
Number 2 pencils are not sad that they lost.
Plan B birth control is not masturbating.
Justin Bieber and Anne Frank were not an item.
President Obama did not just wake up in Mexico.
F.A.A. does not stand for “Fart A**, A**”
Croquettes are not female crocodiles.
Kanye West is not an African American vacation destination.
Syria is not Arabic for “serious.”
Rice and beans are edible. Ricin beans are not.
Casual Friday is not in the Bill of Rights.
Sam Adams was not too drunk to sign the Constitution.
The Gitmo prisoners are not working on their bodies.
Force feeding is not how Jedi’s eat.
Kevin Costner does not live in Watertown.
Smurfs are not elected.
Smurfs are not appointed.
Smurfs are cartoons.
Aretha Franklin and Patti Labelle have been in the same room together.
Anytime minutes don’t let you call the future.
4 and 3 are not basically the same thing.
Rock beats scissors.
Zach Braff is not the sound a trumpet makes.
(via dropfox)
This was magical.
If you ever needed a reason to follow @TheDailyShow, this is it.
Here’s the original segment, in case you missed it.
Sens take a 1-0 lead in Montreal thanks to a Karlsson!
We had some fun with hack “journalist” loser Ben Shapiro and expert on all things “hero,” Tim Brando yesterday. Basically, they were none too happy that Jason Collins came out and became the first openly gay man in not only the NBA, but in all of the major pro sports.
However, while Ben…
May 1, 1984: David Backes is born
Backes was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota and selected by the St. Louis Blues in the 2003 NHL Entry Draft. On September 9, 2011, David became the 20th captain in the history of the team. He played in the 2010 Olympics for Team USA.
Backes has his license to fly planes and flew with his wife, Kelly, to rescue some dogs once.
Steen had one so why not one more and make it the GWG! Blues win it in OT!
Series 1-0 Blues
April 28, 2007: Josh Hancock pitches his final game.
Cardinals relief pitcher Josh Hancock gave up one run in three innings of relief pitching. It would be the last game he would ever pitch. He died in a car accident at 12:35 am on April 29.
With those words, David R. Francis opened the Louisiana Purchase Exposition. 200,000 people attended the opening day of the event, also known as the 1904 World’s Fair.
